People who talk too much tend to be insecure, as they want to be the center of attention all the time. But there are other reasons why someone may talk a lot.
While at it, we have also looked at how you can manage someone like this.
Let’s get to it.
Are People Who Talk Too Much Insecure?
Excessive talking is not necessarily a sign of insecurity, as you may just be dealing with someone who likes to share their thoughts with you. But excessive talking can a lot of the time be a sign of insecurity.
Individuals who love to excessively talk (and are insecure) try and dominate the surrounding so that they are the focus of attention. This can also explain why they care a lot of about what others think about them.
Why Do Insecure People Talk Too Much?
As mentioned, insecure people like to talk a lot as they want to be the center of attention and make everything about themselves. But there are other reasons why they do this, which this section takes a look at in-depth for you.
Fear of Real Intimacy
Meaningless conversations are a good way to hide what you’re really feeling and keep people away. This is very common with insecure people as they often think that they are not good enough. So, they try this tactic to keep themselves at a safe distance from others.
Lack of Attunement
People who suffer from insecurities tend to feel misunderstood which is why they love to overexplain how they feel. This a lot of the time is due to a lack of being understood and taken care of while growing up.
Seeking Approval and Validation
Most people who struggle with insecurities talk excessively to earn the approval of others. They unfortunately don’t think they are worth it which results in this behavior.
This unfortunately results in them not stopping as no matter how much they speak, as they feel like they haven’t got enough approval yet.
What Other Reasons Do People Talk a Lot?
Sometimes, excessive talking can just be due to people feeling lonely. They may want to make friends, so they talk a lot to seem relatable. People who talk a lot may also have ADHD. They think at a very fast rate so they can’t control what they say and do.
You can spot someone with ADHD by how they move and act – they may bounce around a lot. Apart from the above two, excessive talking can also be due to someone finding silence uncomfortable.
How Can You Tell If Someone Is Insecure?
There are several signs that will tell whether you’re dealing with an insecure person, and I’ve taken a look at them below.
They Dominate Their Surroundings
Insecure people love to talk a lot. This is as they try to dominate even the simplest of conversations. Their anxiety kicks in to make shining a competition. You won’t just see insecure people try and dominate in conversations but other aspects of life too, like performance in the workplace.
They Are Very Negative
Insecure people will assume disagreeing with them is for personal reasons, and that you are out to get them. They unfortunately can’t accept the fact that they might be wrong, and that you may just have wanted to point out your opinion for the sake of the conversation.
They are like this, as they are in constant criticism of themselves. So, they assume that others are criticizing them as well.
They Are Shy
Although being shy isn’t necessarily a sign that someone is insecure, insecure people are often times quiet. They are afraid of what other people will think about their opinions and what they have to say, so they try and avoid interactions by all means.
They Act Snobbish
As insecure people love to dominate, they end up talking about themselves whenever in conversation. They do this as they care a lot about what other people think about them.
They also try and bring up the best in what they’re doing as a means make themselves look better.
They Lie a Lot
In line with what I said above about them wanting to be impressive, they can also lie a lot. These lies may not even be about them but the things that are happening around them. This is to make their lives look better than yours.
A good example would be parents lying about their kids’ performance in school.
An overall rule is that the more insecurities someone has, the more likelihood that they wouldn’t hesitate to lie.
They Are Overly Jealous
It should not surprise you that someone who is insecure will be jealous of others’ success. They would try and make the situation about themselves and try to belittle other people’s achievements whenever they get the chance – they may especially do this behind the other peoples’ backs.
How Do You Help Someone Who Is Insecure?
Probably the best way to help someone who struggles with insecurities is to get them professional help. Of course, this is easier said than done, as you would have to confront them about their social anxiety. But if this is something that they have mentioned to you, recommending a therapist would be excellent.
Insecure people struggle with catastrophizing, which is a lot of the time what causes them so much anxiety. It’s easy to pick up on this during conversations, as they would always go to the worst possible scenarios. Whenever they start catastrophizing, bring up how you interpret the situation to show that they are overthinking.
You can also cut them short whenever they start comparing themselves to others. This will kill any response that they’ve begun to make themselves feel bad.
How Do You Manage Someone Who Is an Excessive Talker?
If someone you know loves to talk a lot, there are a couple of points that you can use to manage dealing with them.
Set Time Frames
Probably the best way to deal with someone who talks a lot is to set a time limit before you start talking to them. You will have to be upfront about this, and say that you only have a couple of minutes to spare.
Of course, you will have to work on the way you deliver how upfront you are, as you can easily come off as rude otherwise.
If your friend catches you off guard and you can’t set a time limit to the conversation, it is alright to interrupt them midway and say that you have to leave. You can propose to pick up where you left off another time when you are free.
Don’t Be Afraid to Enforce Boundaries
People just can’t take hints sometimes. If your time is not respected, it’s only right for you to protect your boundaries. You will have to be assertive and redirect the conversation whenever you feel like someone has overstepped.
At the end of the day, they may appreciate your frankness, as they may have struggled to recognize the boundaries that they were stepping, and learn from this experience.
Turn the Tables
Whenever dealing with someone who is an excessive talker, a good tip would be to share any similar experiences that you may have had with them. This can a lot of the time put the end to the conversation and make them stop rambling about themselves.
Treat People with Kindness
Lastly, remember that chronic talkers don’t get into conversations with the intent of being annoying. As you saw earlier, they may just be insecure and are unfortunately trying to deal with this by being so talkative.
At the same time, they could just be lonely or love to share their experiences with others. So, you need to remember to treat others with kindness.
If you set some boundaries, you might actually find conversations with them to be interesting.
Take Time Away for Yourself
It’s important that you take personal space if you constantly have to deal with excessive talkers. This would be some much-needed alone time away from them, which you can use to go on nice walks or make up used time by spending time with other family and friends.
You would ultimately feel rejuvenated and be able to handle all the excessive talkers in your life better.
If you’re all for rejuvenating, going on a spa retreat for a couple of days would be ideal.
It is very clear that insecure people tend to be talkative. They do this as they want to make themselves the center of the conversation. And they also want to impress you, so they may talk a lot to try and get you to like them.
I not only ran through why an insecure people may be an excessive talker, but how you can spot an insecure individual and how you can manage someone who talks a lot.
Hopefully you found all of the points that were run through useful.